We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize