he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
