Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
