After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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