And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
