This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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