Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
