The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dignity is for republicans.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
