I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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