there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
