Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
