Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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