i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
