does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
