You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
