I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
