I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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