enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
