You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The Olympian is in my bed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
