I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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