It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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