I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Text me some of your sweat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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