definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.