So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.