i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.