Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza