Plan B is the new Plan A
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
