someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Pooping to opera.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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