Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
