pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There are leaves in my underwear?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
