I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
