That's when you crack a 10am beer
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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