JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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