If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Randomize
