My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
