I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
