He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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