Your dad touched me again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
