Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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