Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
