dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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