The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
