Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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