I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
