The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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