i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
