so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
