So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
