Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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