We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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