I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We named our party play list daddy issues
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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