you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
