every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
