the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
