Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
