how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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