your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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