Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
