the condom got lost in my hair
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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