Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
