Your mouth is God's brothel.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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