3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
