It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
