Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
