Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
