I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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