hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
