wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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