Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
