I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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