i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
