you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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