So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
