My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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