Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
